#i cant do anything around here
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Columbo and the Knight (1984)
put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.
Autism W!
#columbo#knight rider#art#michael knight#kitt#comic#highlight reel#crossover#telebeast#there are two small easter eggs here. can you find them. they were somehow not Entirely lost when i resized these for the public#this is what i mean when i say I Draw And It's Everyone Else's Problem. look at my INCREDIBLY niche crossover comic boy#if the knight rider fandom has like 12 people in it. how many of y'all have seen columbo#this comic is for like 4 people and me and phoenix are already two of them#niche is my specialty lets be real. weird niche obscure shit and ships nobody's paid attention to yet#not to suggest this is ship art. columbo has his wife and michael has his car lmfao#stylizing real people is EXTREMELY hard btw sorry for when they get off model. its partly a 'better imperfect than never finished' situatio#cant tell you how much i redrew some of these panels. weeps#this took me 2 weeks but i think i thumbnailed it all in may and the ideas been rollin around in my head since march#is anybody good at editing. please edit michael and columbo into an image together like its a screenshot. NOT generated. edited.#it would be so cool#ive drawn columbo a lot but i haven't drawn a lot of michaels. i was learning things about his outfit AS I WAS DOING THE DAMN#COLORS ON THIS. all the lines done. it was too late to change anything. i did all the lines and colored page by page#i realized my mistakes on like page 3. 1 and 2 were already done. it was Too Late.#imagine it though. them working a case together. switching between the more serious tone of columbo vs the goofier#action antics of michael and kitt. columbo being so impressed by Modern Technology. there's more i could say but phoenix may write#more of this crossover and i don't want to spoil it :'3#there's opportunity here though i swear. there's gold to be dug.#i like how kitt gets shading but columbo's junker peugeot doesn't. kitt looked wrong without any. columbo's car is matte and dirty#i also applied effects to this to make it look a little film-grainy and VHS like. some CRT TV vibes#the only question left is. did they put knight rider into columbo; or columbo into knight rider 🤔
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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Spring is here , the true beginning of the year , the season where my soul reborns and blooms .
I have made some progress in terms of the person I am becoming, truly in all my honesty all that i have done is to stop caring for everything that once used to matter , the less I care about anything in particular the less I am bothered and the happier i stay. And i really hope everyone here is doing well and I appreciate all the love that was sent.
The problem is I care a lot about everything and i don't even get the bare minimum in return and when i do get it it's too late, so much time has passed by then ,when it comes by then i do not want or need it because it's the not care that came out of love it came out of their guilts. And the longer i wait for it to come by -the more I learn why I don't need it anymore .
I am slowly learning to value myself ,trying to put myself in a position where I can agree that i too deserve all the good things and love even on the days when i have nothing to offer .
Idk guys I am just here to rant and to be stupid
Better late than never they say , I guess it's not too late for me either, I will start my life and live up to what I want & how I feel ,i don't have to care about anything else as long as I feel alive in my bones things will eventually flow, I will fall in love with myself little by little day after day.
I will choose myself instead of choosing others and I will fall in love with my solitude instead of bearing it with me , i don't care if I end up alone if I do end up all by myself I will be with someone who i know has a tendency not to give up .
Life is really short i just don't want to sit and watch it pass by , if I am lucky enough I will have 40 more springs to experience , I have clear boundaries and thoughts in my head now, eventually i will find peace through it I hope so.
Ramdan kareem to people who celebrate it here please remember gaza in your prayers and fastings
#i love everyone here i hope you all are really good and if you are not i will just hope you all will be eventually#things will get better guys give yourself a chance dont crosss oceans for people who cant cross a mile for you#choose yourself over and over again let things go let people leave when they want to#keep yourself happy you are all you have everything is temporary#do good for yourself don't do anything whixh will hurt you in any way shape of form#seem therapy if needed#always remember if it can happens once it can happen again#dont think too much about anything just live do your part feed yourself well#find happiness in small acts of your living#this stupid blog is currently still active on Instagram in case you want to read more of poetry#remember you deserve all good things but don't go around hurting people#take care of your heart bye 🫂❤️🩹
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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Headcanon that most demon royalty goes to some fancy private/finishing school. But that Stolas was homeschooled with a private tutor. It was one of the very very few requests his dad granted him and for years it was a tressure memory, one of the few times he /got to choose/ one of the few times his dad /listened/ to him. Only to realize when he enters society that it was another isolation tactic. That everybody had already spent years forming social alliances and building their reputations and social credit. And that there was no room for him to break into those circles, that he /did not know/ the proper unspoken social rules. That his wife has spent years building her clout and that he is once again. Alone.
#helluva boss#stolas goetia#stella goetia#Other demon royality#Listen I dont know anything about the world building in helluva boss or if they have any type of schools at all#I am basing this off of other dramas involving rich kids there's always a private school social credit is everything#And stolas has such perfect weird home school kid who does not know how to act around people because they've just never socialized ever#And I love the angst of dtolas's life being a compounding series of isolation and misreading situations only to realize#What was wrong way too late but still clinging to the good memory because that's all he has#And it pairs well with Stella being an excellent socialite#And the angst of stolas being like okay yay! Time to attend events i can do this i might even make friends!#Only to realize he /cant/ and forget friends or allies this means he has no one he can lean on to help with the abuse Stella deals out#Owl in a cage is a very telling song#Vassago once again in the corner vibrating because he'd love to be friends! He volunteers pleaseeee#Stolas gaining a reputation for being really fucking weird but really good at his job and for thinking he's too good to talk to anyone here#Because he never fucking talks to anyone#I imagine the first few years stolas was out in society were filled with just. So many painfully awkward conversations until he just#Stopped trying because what was the point
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"Has anyone here heard of a god known as the Crown Prince of Xianle?"
Silence.
"Where did you hear that name?" A voice asked sharply. It belonged to General Xuan Zhen.
"I read it in a scroll, and I was curious why I'd never heard of such an interesting figure," Hua Cheng replied smoothly. "It seems like everyone is in the know except me."
General Xuan Zhen scoffed. "If by 'interesting figure,' you mean 'pain in the ass,' then sure. Be glad you've never heard of him. Don't mention him again."
#mxtx#mxtx fanfic#mxtx tgcf#tgcf#tgcf au#tgcf fanfic#tgcf fanfiction#tian guan ci fu#calamity xie lian#tgcf hua cheng#heaven official's blessing#hua cheng#what does a man have to do to get a straight answer around here#like honestly guys#he just wants to know more abt his new boyfriend dont get angry at him#no beta we die like mu qing's ability to say anything remotely nice or helpful ever#mq is a bitch but we love him for it#actually hc not getting a straight answer makes sense i guess nobody in heaven is straight i think#not even pei ming like idk man you cant tell me he ONLY slept with women#somehow i think ive gotten a little off track here#oh well
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ekky saying "i didnt know they were coming" in concerns to practise being open either suggest staff do not tell players when it happens (not fucking likely) or ekky just does not pay attention to anything at all which makes this paul quote
even funnier in retrospect and not a "pauls just joking around you know how he is" moment as he tends to do no this man just DOES NOT LISTEN???
#ekky resident air head#things go through one ear and out the other#he does not go on social media at all i know this so his only reliable source of information for these things IS QUITE LITERALLY THE SOURCE#AND HE STILL DOESNT KNOW??????#id like to have what shes having please#earn your A#babe we do not pay you the big bucks to think about anything other than hockey and it shows#shes here to be pretty okay leave her alone shes our show dog with a good pedigree we prance around <3#i love the ongoing saga that is paul says an absurd thing about someone. that someone goes oh hes just joking around.#and then a few weeks later we learn its actually the truth.#best example of this is paul going you know ruutu (assistant coach) is harder on the finns than anybody else.#then ruutu going no pauls just embellishing you know how he is 😄😄 and then you talk to the finns#and theyre like well... the only reason hes not “harder” on anyone else is because he knows finnish better#(so he can express himself more in that language which is why he comes off as very polite in english)#and im like paul you son of a bitch youve done it again you were right old man#trust paul until you cant trust paul you get me?#anyways ekky... just here to be pretty indeed...
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6.15 - pressure test
#for someone who supposedly doesnt care ab other peoples emotions theo sure is in tune w liams LMFAOOO#psychoanalyzing him at every given moment and predicting when hes about to get upset#‘something around here is triggering you’ ‘it’s working’ ‘are you really gonna kill him?’ like Okay#and no I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOHT THE ASS LIGHTING OF THIS SHOW SOMETIMES!#thiam#theo raeken/liam dunbar#theo raeken x liam dunbar#theo/liam#theo x liam#theo raeken#liam dunbar#teen wolf
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Pet store clerk gives Charles a bag of free treats for his ""dog"" all while Charles can feel Erik Looming in the BG
the real mortifying day is after months of getting small bags of dog treats one day the bag of dog treats has like. perfectly normal human candies/pastries or something inside
Of Course charles is confused and impulsively asks what it is/how it's different from the usual only for the clerk to reply theyre Whatever Erik's Favorite Treat Is and its that day forward erik is adamant they just do their shopping online
#snap chats#clerk fully provides this information straight faced. by the way. and still pointing out those are for “”“”“The Dog”“”“”“”“#inviting all of you to assume the three of them became Vaguely Acquainted while charles and erik were fran shopping#like you know how you just happen to do small talk while at the store. at least five months of accidental small talk has led to this moment#'oh yeah i know these are his favorite- [Insert Food Here] right' and charles doesnt have to turn around or probe eriks mind#to know he's itching to leave the store but he cant just do that lest he validate this clerks suspicions#charles absolutely wants to try to laugh it off and tell the clerk he cant give these to his dog but the clerk Just Stares#they dont gotta say anything else ... charles dont gotta read their mind ... he wont argue he'll just swallow his shame and take the goods#anyways ... if anyone needs me ... im gonna succumd to the 3PM nap#i almost made it to 4 but alas ... i am sleepy ... then im gonna work SO im done answering asks for the evening#maybe ill answer some more tonight but i really have to focus. after my nap BYYYYEEEE#im gonna giggle about this new scenario tho ... Cherik Pet Shenanigans Somehow Getting Goofier Than Previously Thought#will have to do more thinkings of that down the line .... for now nap time 😴 cause i repeat i am five years old 😴
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thinkin about how important it is for submissives to take control of their own submission and understand their own agency in kink and to communicate for themselves
#sometimes…sometimes the little ‘uwu I can’t talk about what I want ! don’t make me say anything durinh sex i wont be able to! im so shyy!’#really starts to concern me#cause its like…you guys arent using this as a crutch to deny responsibility for your own sexuality and submission right???? right????#like you have to be able to confront the fact that you want sex and are an active participant in a scene#sex isnt something thats supposed to *happen* to you its something you’re supposed to *do*#and im sure its just the internet echo chamber throwing things around at me !#cause i think most people know this but i just see sooooo many fucking posts#‘uwu if you try to talk to me during sex i wont be able to!’ ‘uwu i cant tell anyone what i want in sexxx youll just have to drag it oit of#me im so embarrassed!’#like guys…we’re not damsels in distress here and youre supposed to be an active participant in your own sex life#being a safe participant in kink means bein able to recognize your agency in sex and communicating your desires your comforts your boundari#s and more !#anyways#its genuinely not a big deal i just let myself get wound up by internet posts#which im trying to make happen less because theres no reason for rhat to be happening to me constantly 🫶🏻#unimportant thoughts
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more adhd jason grace or die by my sword
#jason grace#heroes of olympus#pjo#riordanverse#is he a strong leader. yes. is he the most forgetful man you ever met. also yes#could he kill you with a lightning strike. yes. does he often get lost in his activity du jour and forget to sleep. ALSO YES#stuff#also side note - more dyslexic jason specifically struggling at chb#where everything is labeled in ancient greek for the greek demigods' ease of comprehension#this is a fic waiting to happen but like#jason being completely lost with every sign around camp because his latin wired brain can't read that shit#he doesnt say anything because he's like 'im the guest here i should just learn ancient greek'#easier said than done his brain Rebels against learning it he tries but none of it seems to stick#until someone notices how jason will just blank-stare the sign posted on the armory door that says 'closed for cleaning'#and it's written in english too but that doesn't help jason he's almost as bad at reading in english as he is in ancient greek#so he DEFINITELY cant read the smaller print that says 'do not enter under threat of being eaten by cleaning harpies'#and our man just walks right in and almost gets eaten lmao#and then nico or someone is like. hmm. has anyone considered that this roman dyslexic demigod just cant fucking read ancient greek lmao#cue a campwide project to add latin to all the signs#these tags are a runaway train i just want more adhd dyslexic jason grace that's all
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I need someone to tell me that im not stuck here and things are going to get better. Also they have to know what they're talking about
#I need to be making more money than this#it always seems to start with that#but I feel like I wouldn't be as depressed if I felt like I was on the way to something else#if i could get out of here in about a year#if I was saving up for some achievable goal in a meaningful way#then the things that I hate about my current living situation would grate a lot less#And I wouldn't mind as much being so helpless to stop people defacing things and making things worse#but as it stands i feel like im being pushed down into a corner#which is exactly what i came here to get away from#its just that im not allowed to improve anything around me#To stay away from this noxious shit i guess im expected to never to outside and always huddle down with my fan on#because im not disabled enough to complain abt it#am I???#beggars cant be choosers#cant live in poverty housing and expect the neighborhood to be polite#ig#but how do i get out of it
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The king and queen are visiting Paiporta and they receive them with mud xd two men have spoken to the king and told him to do something, but we all know that he is going to go to his palace and cross his arms because It's literally the only thing he can do. Is this what had to happen for people to realize that asking the king for help is nonsense? He has no power, he is only there to parade around. They have kicked out volunteers from the site to let the king and his escorts (police and military) pass, which is the first time they have touched that ground and they are going to do NOTHING. The president is doing the same. The president of Valencia is doing the same.
#this is never before seen stuff by the way. the monarchy was restituted in 1975 after the dictatorship and celebrated for it#and the president of valencia is basically the higher power here as the state of alarm he declared makes it so the national government#cant help. he has all the jurisdiction and all the responsibility. and yes he is from a right wing party. a lot of people are blaming the#president of the country (left wing) but legally he can't do anything bc of what i said before. its so frustrating just one man being#stubborn (and cruel) has cost so many lives and inflict so much suffering. not only after and during the incident but BEFORE as he didnt#raise the alarm so people thought they were safe and went outside to get move their cars or similar.#there have been so many people found on cars inside parkings.... and they are not done yet.#they havent updated the dead or missing numbers but the last number of missing people was 2000. all these people could be dead#they could be currently dying as the king and queen parade around the streets blocking people wanting to actually help. shameful#translated the main post on google bc i just could write it in english#i feel like a medieval peasant talking about th king and queen like this. what are we doing. year 2024.#talking tag#valencia
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-
and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..
it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now
i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...
#ganondoodles talks#elden ring#zelda#in a way#AND it adds to me just ranting#and complaining#like i wasnt literallly a few days ago beating myself up about that#now i have the next thing#and its almost as bad as it was with totk#with the only difference being that i dont have the energy left to yell that much#and that its the second time now in such a short time span relatively to how long i keep my interests and how long it takes to find one#so in a way it hurts even worse#.... also when the whole thing is kinda bad then at least the whole thing is kinda bad#but here its like specifically my fav#and i dont want to and cant let him just .. go#but at the same time ............. its been so shifted around completely idk what to make of it#idk what the point was to make and present him like he was in the base game and then do such a turn in the DLC#and it feels less like he was someones important favorite nd more like most hated character#bc why would you do that to him like this#you can argue all you want about how it makes sense actually and wahtever but this is what i feel right now ok#what am i even drawing for anyway#what am i even thinking about any stories for anyway#why am i caring about anything anyway#i wish i knew and could stop
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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